If Haley had lived a few more years, she would have gone out of the porn business, escaped the gaping maw of drugs and found some alternative niche. Maybe it wouldnt have brought her happiness, but at least there would be a semi-normalcy. In your twenties, the world is built on absolutes. You havent established a pattern of living; you dont yet have enough worldly knowledge to see the ephemeral qualities of fortune; you have no way of knowing how precious every single breath and footstep and conversation really. At that vulnerable age, it is easy to fall into quicksand without realizing it actually is quicksandor that hundreds (if not thousands) would be eager to help bring you out. Haley could not have foreseen the consequences, both of her death and its effect on those who knew d even those who didnt. That is the irony and also the tragedy.
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I remember the borders movies claustrophobic qualities; two lovers were in the bedroom for the entire movie, playing these weird sexual mutilation games which ultimately resulted in death. Its one of those arty movies, so of course the sexual games and violence were meant to be taken metaphorically (although it was based on an actual event). The lovers in the film were portrayed in the movie as romantic and beautiful (though perverse we were supposed to find them charming and maybe doomed. But if anything similar actually happened to a friend or loved one in the real life, it would sicken. The movies lovers lived only for the darkness. But that was only a movie. Maryam and her porn director boyfriend were teetering on the edge with their alternative lifestyles. Drugs and fetishes brought escape; nothing was forbidden anymore; drugs became their God. Inside a hotel room, strung out on drugs, everything seemed fucked up and terrifying. I would like to think that her psychotic fetish-loving boyfriend was entirely to blame, but who really knows?
If I met her at a party and had no idea she was in the essay porn industry, i would have probably found her interesting. She felt, she thought, she lived. I dont want to launch a tirade or even a defense about the sex industry; all i know is that some people do well in it, and others do badly. These are unconventional paths for people to take in life, probably not anyones first choice (but my jobs after college werent my first choice either). But its probably good that so many different paths in life exist for people to exploreas long as these alternate paths dont make us feel trapped. There are bad people to avoid everywhere (and porn has more than its fair share). I remember a notoriously sadistic and perverse japanese movie i saw a long time ago, in the realm of the senses.
In those final months writing Haley had no one around to keep it real or bring a fresh perspective on things. The wikipedia page lists an interview with her, thesis one of the many that porn stars do with websites over their short career. These interviews are mostly respectful and bland, asking questions about hobbies and how was it like to work with director x and actor. She was glowing about a recent movie she made, the villa with vivid (and it was directed by paul Thomas, truly one of the most respectful and talented directors in his industry). I havent seen that movie, but Im sure it was well-made and probably hailey was thrilled to be. We may say, its just another porn star, another dead porn star, but that is too easy. Haley was a porn star who lived; she had adventures, traveled around the world, had political opinions (she did work in the Green Party and met all kinds of crazy and interesting people. She read Richard Brautigan, loved All about eve and other classics, went to folk festivals.
Haley apparently came in contact with a lot of people in the industry over the past few years. Even her childhood (which she described as abusive) wasnt as bad as she described it (if her fathers post was accurate). In California she will be remembered by friends and coworkers; apparently lots of people liked her (and in life, isnt that all that matters?) When she disappeared, people noticed it, although not immediately. Her living arrangement in her final months was isolated, not nurturing. A year earlier she agreed to marry someone to help him get a green card, and recently, she got involved with a fetish video director (who did drugs with her and may have been her murderer). Although Haley was relatively well-known, a drug addiction isolated her and prevented others from injecting a dose of reality into her fragile life. To escape from the real world is sometimes necessary and sometimes glorious, but you cant do it very long. Or youll have no bungee chord to bring you back.
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The director asked on the video. He already did that, she said. And that has always been his excuse for stealing my child away. But this is honest work, and ive been a good parent so far. Im doing this to make a living. I have nothing to worry about.
And they had the sex scene, and they laughed and moaned the whole time, as if nothing was wrong. The problem with porn is that it presents people as expendable and without a past. Porn by itself doesnt have to be exploitative or ugly or demeaning, but when analysis people have to adopt personas, we no longer have to treat them as people. They are just people with ugly tits. Now getting back to haley.
I could say a lot about porn as a social phenomena (. I wrote a little about it already here ). Im fairly tolerant of the genre, but contemptuous towards the mass commercialization. The pay is pitiful, and so are the working conditions; only a few are lucky enough to get good-paying parts. Maybe people can do it for a few weeks for the hell of it or even a few months, but after that, it becomes a bad place to be unless you have really thick skin and an ability to avoid the crazies. .
i once watched a porn film with a striking and smart-looking woman in her twenties. The woman (not Haley paige) was being interviewed briefly before the sex scene. She said that her ex-husband kidnapped her child when he didnt win custody. She was an exotic dancer and dabbling in porn. She was doing the porn shoot to pay for a divorce attorney and a private investigator to track the ex-husband down. Of course, that whole backstory could have been faked, but it came out so randomly during the preliminary interview that it struck me as genuine. The director/interviewer was momentarily silenced by the sad dimension to this womans motivations. Arent you afraid that your ex is going to use this movie as evidence that you are an unfit parent?
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(If you remember, i wrote previously about how adult stars actively post on bulletin boards, leaving a permanent record of whatever they dolike the rest of us!) At first, fans criticize her breasts, and gps then Haley paige herself comes on the thread type to complain about. Yes, my breasts sag, do you think i dont know that? I look at my self in the mirror everyday and hate them but refuse to get a breast job. So you will be happy to know that i have basically quit performing and focusing on my studies, as fr the suicide coment, it does cross my mind. ive been through enough in my life and ive never treated anyone in the industry with disrespect, and i think it is fair to say i did not deserve those comments you fu*king worthless cunts. haley, later on in the same thread, fans wonder where she has been, then someone posts a news article about her death, then her father posts a full comments filling in the details. Ive tried to sort through the details; its unclear to me whether she died of an overdose or was murdered. I suspect the details will be revealed over time (and the wikipedia page will be updated). Either way, the circumstances are both horrifying and tragic.
But it strikes me as unbelievably tragic. The woman is dressed in her sexy regalia while signing a calendar with a raunchy nude photo of internat her. In the background, random male fans are waiting in line to get autographs, laughing, having a good time and yet barely paying attention to her. She is in the foreground of the photo and her body receives the best lighting, her skin positively glistens and her body (while perhaps not perfect) is still very beautiful and yes, sexualized.; but her figure is isolated from the rest of the people;. For her, the autograph session is just another day at work. One might say its exploitative, and maybe it is, but to me it seems mundane and even dull. Just another model, just another set of tits, just another porn convention. The thread for this photo is awful.
had no idea that my cancer could be hereditary. This post is not going to be work-safe, because it is about the death (and possibly the murder) of a woman who starred in porn movies. . The womans stage name was Haley paige, but her real name was Miriam Haley (or Maryam Haley). Heres the wikipedia page about the woman. Theres a very peculiar thread on an adult website (Not Safe for Work). . This thread is messy and hard to read, so i have"d significant portions from it below on this web page. It starts with the picture can you see here (warning: topless photo). . At first glance, it appears to be a random publicity photo of a porn star signing autographs.
What made them so great, and how did they influence you? Life matters tracked down some of your favourite teachers—you can hear their stories, and the stories of the students they inspired, below. Havent yet nominated a teacher? Spread the word on social media write through myfavouriteteacher, or join the discussion in the comments on this page. To take part, post your favourite teacher nomination in the comments below. By sue friedman, dvm, founder and Executive director, facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered (force). In 1996, at the age of 33, i was diagnosed with breast cancer. My diagnosis came out of the blue.
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Image: Life matters wants to hear how your favourite teachers inspired you. (Merrimack college/Flickr/cc by-nc-nd.0). Life matters wants to hear from you: who was your favourite schoolteacher, and why? Great teachers transform our lives. Theyre the unsung heroes of our childhoods. Now's your chance to celebrate a school teacher who made a positive difference in your life! Who was your favourite teacher?